About a month and a half ago I made two important and somewhat scary decisions. The first was to run a half-marathon and the second was to extend my time at Christian Appalachian Project.

I’ll talk about CAP first. My decision to extend was not a sudden one – the possibility had been weighing on the back of my mind pretty much since I arrived. I remember sitting on the dock at Camp AJ during orientation with my housemate Sarah. We were talking about volunteering and Kentucky and about how we liked it here and were excited about our work, but please-God-don’t-make-us-stay another year. (Ironically, she is also recommitting.) As the months went by, the nagging feeling that I should stay grew stronger as I fell more in love with teaching. Last Friday, I met with the volunteer life manager and officially recommitted. She warned me that it isn’t going to be easy, which I know, especially because most of my house (and the other volunteers I know) will be leaving.

It’s particularly scary for me because I tend to be the one who moves away (to Chicago after high school and to Kentucky after college), and I know it will be challenging to “stay behind” as my housemates go on to other adventures. But I also know that this is the right choice for me. I feel it when I go into the schools and the kids tell me how much they miss me already. I feel it when the teachers are talking about various upcoming programs and all I want to do is be a part of them. I feel it when I attend the local health coalition meetings and hear about long-term projects that I will actually see the results of. I even felt it on my way back to the Jackson House from Easter with my family. As I got off the interstate and onto the local highways, I looked at the beauty around me and felt peace. It was very reassuring to feel that way, because as beautiful as my rural surroundings are, I miss being in a city. But as a friend recently pointed out to me – if you wait to make a decision until you have an option that is absolutely perfect, you’ll never make a decision. It’s been hard for me being away from my family in Ohio and my friends in Chicago, but I know that Kentucky is where I need to be right now. It’s really exciting to tell the students that I will see them next year and to know that I have another school year in which to build my relationship with them.
The decision to run the half-marathon was much more sudden. A few of my housemates had been talking about running one for months, but they were struggling to find a race within reasonable driving distance (Jackson County, KY is not known for its superior runners.) I offered my parents’ house as a free place to stay and figured that I would run a shorter distance race if one was offered. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a shorter distance, and I was somehow talked into signing up for the half marathon. With only a month to train, I wasn’t convinced I was going to be able to finish it, but I figured the strict work-out schedule would be good for me. I am very talented at making up excuses for myself as to why it’s okay not to work out on a particular day – it was a long day at work, it was too hot/cold/windy, I had eaten too big of a lunch, etc – but with a limited amount of time to train, I HAD to follow the schedule. Of course, I did end up skipping a few days, but I definitely got better at self-motivating. Up until a couple weeks before the race, I still wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish, but then all of a sudden I felt like I could do it. My 10-mile run (the longest on the training schedule) went really well, and on race day I was feeling pretty confident. Unfortunately, it didn’t go exactly as planned. I blame the heat and the more-frequent-than-expected hills, but I ended up having to walk part of the race. I did finish though, and I was able to push myself to run the last mile.

On a list of things I never thought I’d be doing, running in a half marathon would have been pretty high up on the list. Before coming to Kentucky I had never run farther than four miles, and even that was a painful stretch. At many points throughout the race I found myself wondering “Why exactly am I doing this to myself?” but I’m glad I did. I proved to myself that I can do something if I set my mind to it, and I can push through physical discomfort, which I had never been good at before. Immediately after the race, my housemate Lisa and I were convinced we were done with long distance running, and perhaps running in general. She was really dehydrated and I could barely stand because my legs were so sore. By the time we got back to the Jackson House (thankfully Tim fared much better and was able to drive), we were reconsidering our aversion to running and tentatively making plans to run another race (in the distant future, of course). Now that I know it didn’t kill me, I want to try again and actually be able to run the whole thing.
It might not seem like the half marathon and recommitment are related, apart from happening around the same time, but both were giant leaps of faith for me. In a way, I feel like my time at CAP is like a marathon (although a much less painful one). It isn’t always perfect, and it isn’t always easy, but at the end I’m going to be able to step back and say “That was a great thing I did, and it was worth it.”

“As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” – Emmanuel Teney

Erin C. is a long-term volunteer in Educational and Recreational Programming. She is a member of Jackson Volunteer Community.